LAUNDER GLOOM, CONFUSION AND PANIC AWAY (literally yeah..haha!)
since my friend jenn wants to know and also to prove to andy that it's not dirty thoughts i'm thinking, i'm telling now.
here it goes....
i think i'm going nuts. yeah..as in crazy. insane. you know..
i fear for my sanity. haha. i really do. and one thing that's sad is that NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME.
i tell people, "i think i'm going crazy".
they say, "you are crazy".
i say, "no, really, there's something wrong with me."
they go, "all of us know that. you're crazy all the time."
arrrgh!
i feel like yossarian, the character in catch 22. it's world war II, he's flown too many missions, and he tries to get a discharge. they raise the maximum bumber of missions. he tries to get discharged on the grounds he's insane. that's when he runs into catch 22. i don't have the book on me right now, but the catch is like this : if you're loony, you can apply for discharge. but if you apply for a discharge, that means you're not loony. therefore you can't get out of the service.
what makes me think i'm going crazy? nothing specific, just this feeling that something is not right. for one thing, my mood swings have gotten worst. i get angry now. and lately little things piss me off. i can deal with anger though. it's the sadness that unnerves me. yesterday i got up early. i felt rested and refreshed. i had a good breakfast. then i phoned people. i didn't get unpleasant news or anything, but for no apparent reason i felt horrible. it was as if someone had turned out the light and i was plunged into this black mood. i didn't know why i was sad. usually , not knowing why makes me more sad and angry at myself, but this time i was incapacitated.
i went back to my room sat for 10 minutes or so, and i realized i would get no work done. that's when i got catatonic. i lay on my bed. stayed in the same position for a while, dozing off, waking up, dozing off again. i couldnt bring myself to do anything. i felt like i had been encased in cement.
after awhile i managed to get up. all this achieved was a change in position. i sat there a long time with my mind blank. just staring at the wall.
finally something in the brain kicked in and i stood up. i considered watching movies to cheer myself up. i did watch. i watched three in a row. yes, you read right THREE MOVIES IN A ROW! didn't help.
i went online. didn't help either. i considered calling up friends and going out to eat, but the thought of any social interaction filled me with dread.
so i did my laundry. ahuh...laundry. stood before the washer mindlessly scrubbing once in awhile. i tried to wash away my gloom and confusion and panic and i watched them go down the drain with the soap suds.
i felt somewhat better but i still think i'm going bonkers. then again, you're still reading this, so you're probably crazier than i am.
nana nana ni!! hahahaha!
here it goes....
i think i'm going nuts. yeah..as in crazy. insane. you know..
i fear for my sanity. haha. i really do. and one thing that's sad is that NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME.
i tell people, "i think i'm going crazy".
they say, "you are crazy".
i say, "no, really, there's something wrong with me."
they go, "all of us know that. you're crazy all the time."
arrrgh!
i feel like yossarian, the character in catch 22. it's world war II, he's flown too many missions, and he tries to get a discharge. they raise the maximum bumber of missions. he tries to get discharged on the grounds he's insane. that's when he runs into catch 22. i don't have the book on me right now, but the catch is like this : if you're loony, you can apply for discharge. but if you apply for a discharge, that means you're not loony. therefore you can't get out of the service.
what makes me think i'm going crazy? nothing specific, just this feeling that something is not right. for one thing, my mood swings have gotten worst. i get angry now. and lately little things piss me off. i can deal with anger though. it's the sadness that unnerves me. yesterday i got up early. i felt rested and refreshed. i had a good breakfast. then i phoned people. i didn't get unpleasant news or anything, but for no apparent reason i felt horrible. it was as if someone had turned out the light and i was plunged into this black mood. i didn't know why i was sad. usually , not knowing why makes me more sad and angry at myself, but this time i was incapacitated.
i went back to my room sat for 10 minutes or so, and i realized i would get no work done. that's when i got catatonic. i lay on my bed. stayed in the same position for a while, dozing off, waking up, dozing off again. i couldnt bring myself to do anything. i felt like i had been encased in cement.
after awhile i managed to get up. all this achieved was a change in position. i sat there a long time with my mind blank. just staring at the wall.
finally something in the brain kicked in and i stood up. i considered watching movies to cheer myself up. i did watch. i watched three in a row. yes, you read right THREE MOVIES IN A ROW! didn't help.
i went online. didn't help either. i considered calling up friends and going out to eat, but the thought of any social interaction filled me with dread.
so i did my laundry. ahuh...laundry. stood before the washer mindlessly scrubbing once in awhile. i tried to wash away my gloom and confusion and panic and i watched them go down the drain with the soap suds.
i felt somewhat better but i still think i'm going bonkers. then again, you're still reading this, so you're probably crazier than i am.
nana nana ni!! hahahaha!
2 Comments:
bummer
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that.
You can't pin-point what it is, I see. There has to be something at the core of it all. You just need to find out what it is so that you can work on making it better.
I was feeling that EXACT same way for a few day's and I didn't have a reason to. At least I think I didn't. I'm sure whatever it was is still there and will come back. I'll find it and fix it eventually.
I hope things get better for you, beautiful.
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