98++ DEGREES
earlier, i was sitting on a cab wedged into a congested street. it was so hot outside you could grill cheese sandwiches on my head when i had another cosmic revelation.. *wink wink
the dust motes dancing in the blazing sunlight turned into multitudes of people, and their voices cried out to me : save us michelle! deliver us from this sweltering heat, these infernal traffic jams, and while you're at it, give meaning and pizzazz to our drab, purposeless existence!
yes faithful minions, i hear your constant whinning, and i say unto you : shut up or i'll clave your tongues in twain. the time has come, to present my political agenda and list of to-do's. i shall begin with the program for this country, which shall be declared navel of the universe.
after i have eliminated, annihilated, obliterated corrupt and incompetent public officials, one of my first acts as universal potentate shall be to aircondition the entire country. you heard right : airconditioning. i shall rescue you from the heat that threatens to melt your brains, that ignites your tempers and leaves you at the mercy of your anti perspirant.
and how do i propose to aircondition the whole nation?
how dare you doubt my powers. i shall have populous centers enclosed in humongous domes, the construction of which shall solve the unemployment problem. fortunately the grafters and grifters will no longer be around to suck up construction funds; if new ones arise, they shall be ground into dust and used as building materials.
as for the airconditioners, i shall order the manufacturers to give them to us for free as a token of their loyalty and obedience. they will also maintain the units and make sure they never malfunction, for in the event of breakdown, i shall have their executives manually cool us with giant abanicos or spanish fans. also their airconditioners had better not produce emissions that damage the ozone layer, or i shall use these same executives to plug the holes in it.
the airconditioning of the whole country shall contribute to the promotion of social equality : never again shall the poor sizzle on the street while the others drive past in their cool cars. yeah my people, temperature shall be democratized, and when this has come to pass, we may move on to other grand schemes. and i shall strike down with furious anger those who attempt to thwart my plans, nya-hahahaaa!!
speaking of furious anger, poor telecom system will likewise be addressed. i hear your howls of execration, my faithful, and verily i say to you : as world dominatrix, i declare that each citizen shall receive a free cellphone! yay to that! not just a free cell phone but 2000 free minutes per month! your telecommunication problems will be over, and should there be any glitches of bad service, the heads of the telephone companies shall be reqiured to deliver your phone messages on foot.
to relieve utter boredom of earthly existence, there shall be free social dancing lessons for everyone who cares to take them. there shall be a karaoke in every home, and mandatory sound proofing lest the horrendous caterwauling of the talentless drive their neighbors to murder. no more shall you be resigned to watching brain dead situation shows : let there be cable tv for all my people! 600 channels, with public access tv channels.
there shall be mandatory testing for all those who want to be public officials and government employees. not just IQ testing but ET testing (ethics exams not extra terrestrial okay? :P) for instance : if someone offers you a bazillion bucks as a bribe, what would you do? (a) take the money and give what is demanded in return. (b) ignore the person completely, pretend no offer was made. (c) leap up and attempt to whip the person with his or her own tongue until restrained by concerned citizens.
all restaurants shall be on "eat all you can". bars "drink all you can". free manicure/pedicure/facial/massage at least twice a month for everyone, one pound supply of gummy bears a week for each kid, scoop all you can ice cream, everything all you can, haha etc etc...
yes, my hyperventilating people, i shall give you a paradisial world, a society approaching complete and utter cool..
now i need a shower. i think the heat has turned me into a mad woman...
*******************for those who don't know**
i'm now in a place which can make you count your blessings..here, not everyone has airconditioning, most people take public transpo, plus some other things that just suck...
the dust motes dancing in the blazing sunlight turned into multitudes of people, and their voices cried out to me : save us michelle! deliver us from this sweltering heat, these infernal traffic jams, and while you're at it, give meaning and pizzazz to our drab, purposeless existence!
yes faithful minions, i hear your constant whinning, and i say unto you : shut up or i'll clave your tongues in twain. the time has come, to present my political agenda and list of to-do's. i shall begin with the program for this country, which shall be declared navel of the universe.
after i have eliminated, annihilated, obliterated corrupt and incompetent public officials, one of my first acts as universal potentate shall be to aircondition the entire country. you heard right : airconditioning. i shall rescue you from the heat that threatens to melt your brains, that ignites your tempers and leaves you at the mercy of your anti perspirant.
and how do i propose to aircondition the whole nation?
how dare you doubt my powers. i shall have populous centers enclosed in humongous domes, the construction of which shall solve the unemployment problem. fortunately the grafters and grifters will no longer be around to suck up construction funds; if new ones arise, they shall be ground into dust and used as building materials.
as for the airconditioners, i shall order the manufacturers to give them to us for free as a token of their loyalty and obedience. they will also maintain the units and make sure they never malfunction, for in the event of breakdown, i shall have their executives manually cool us with giant abanicos or spanish fans. also their airconditioners had better not produce emissions that damage the ozone layer, or i shall use these same executives to plug the holes in it.
the airconditioning of the whole country shall contribute to the promotion of social equality : never again shall the poor sizzle on the street while the others drive past in their cool cars. yeah my people, temperature shall be democratized, and when this has come to pass, we may move on to other grand schemes. and i shall strike down with furious anger those who attempt to thwart my plans, nya-hahahaaa!!
speaking of furious anger, poor telecom system will likewise be addressed. i hear your howls of execration, my faithful, and verily i say to you : as world dominatrix, i declare that each citizen shall receive a free cellphone! yay to that! not just a free cell phone but 2000 free minutes per month! your telecommunication problems will be over, and should there be any glitches of bad service, the heads of the telephone companies shall be reqiured to deliver your phone messages on foot.
to relieve utter boredom of earthly existence, there shall be free social dancing lessons for everyone who cares to take them. there shall be a karaoke in every home, and mandatory sound proofing lest the horrendous caterwauling of the talentless drive their neighbors to murder. no more shall you be resigned to watching brain dead situation shows : let there be cable tv for all my people! 600 channels, with public access tv channels.
there shall be mandatory testing for all those who want to be public officials and government employees. not just IQ testing but ET testing (ethics exams not extra terrestrial okay? :P) for instance : if someone offers you a bazillion bucks as a bribe, what would you do? (a) take the money and give what is demanded in return. (b) ignore the person completely, pretend no offer was made. (c) leap up and attempt to whip the person with his or her own tongue until restrained by concerned citizens.
all restaurants shall be on "eat all you can". bars "drink all you can". free manicure/pedicure/facial/massage at least twice a month for everyone, one pound supply of gummy bears a week for each kid, scoop all you can ice cream, everything all you can, haha etc etc...
yes, my hyperventilating people, i shall give you a paradisial world, a society approaching complete and utter cool..
now i need a shower. i think the heat has turned me into a mad woman...
*******************for those who don't know**
i'm now in a place which can make you count your blessings..here, not everyone has airconditioning, most people take public transpo, plus some other things that just suck...
3 Comments:
When my bandmates, my brother and myself take over the world, we'll let you take control of your country. Our plan is to build a 150ft Transformer called Tidal Wave. No one's gonna mess with that.
I'll stick this comment on your tab xx
mish dont worry about andypoop, we will invade korea and steal all nuclear weapons and demolish Tidal Wave. We will do all of this in time to make our 2 o'clock manicure appointment, which you so graciously set up for us. Then as a token of my gratitude i will take you shopping to buy beautiful shoes that will make all the boys want to lick your soles.
I already want to lick her soles, but that's besides the point.
Point being: where did Mishy go? I miss her :(
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