hmmm... been awhile.. but yes, i'm back with nothing to type about.
ohh wait.. there's something...
something about ....LEARNING
i am learning a lot by living with children. my adorable nieces and nephew sometimes cease to be adorable and their angelic heads sprout horns, and they use the sharp points to ram my stomach until i bleed, at which point they laugh hysterically. strangely enough, so do i.
my first lesson was that there is no privacy. ever. they are miniature locksmiths to whom no locked door is an obstacle, including (and especially) the bathroom and bedroom doors. i am learning to pee and get dressed so quickly that i'm thinking of checking in with the guiness book of world records. there must be a category for privacy impaired aunts.
the second thing i learned is that unless i am the first person to get to an unopened snack package, i am taking a risk by eating from it. i even had to sign a waiver to that effect. apparently i am not allowed to hold either children or parents responsible for any bodily harm or food poisoning incurred while eating food that has been in reach of said rugrats. in case you are wondering, "in reach" means anywhere from about six feet below the ground to about ten feet higher than i can reach while standing on an extension ladder.
i just recently learned that the proper way to eat crackers is to open the box (from the bottom, not the top) and rip open the top and one side of the enclosed package, then dump the entire contents out on the ground. then you must stuff as many crackers as you can into one hand. one gets a better grip if the hand is either sticky from earlier snacks, or coated in drool. anything that can fit in the hand can also fit into one's mouth, but if a cracker accidentally drops out of the mouth and onto the floor, it must not be put back into the mouth, but rather back into the cracker package. while chewing a mouthful of crackers, entertainment is provided by pretending the remaining crackers on the ground are cars, trucks, lions, bears, or other loud mobile objects. once enough crackers have been ingested, the remaining crackers (or cars, trucks, lions, bears, etc.) can be scooped back into the package. it is permissable, and even recommended, to scoop up dirt, bugs and/or stray hairs with the crackers, as this can later be considered a type of kiddie trail mix.
i just keep thinking back to myself at 16. i wouln't even share a soda with someone else. ewww. just last night, i accepted a bite of licorice that unbeknownst to me had been dragged on the floor and then sucked on by the littlest niece. i didn't bat an eye.
doesn't that merit an award of some sort?
ohh wait.. there's something...
something about ....LEARNING
i am learning a lot by living with children. my adorable nieces and nephew sometimes cease to be adorable and their angelic heads sprout horns, and they use the sharp points to ram my stomach until i bleed, at which point they laugh hysterically. strangely enough, so do i.
my first lesson was that there is no privacy. ever. they are miniature locksmiths to whom no locked door is an obstacle, including (and especially) the bathroom and bedroom doors. i am learning to pee and get dressed so quickly that i'm thinking of checking in with the guiness book of world records. there must be a category for privacy impaired aunts.
the second thing i learned is that unless i am the first person to get to an unopened snack package, i am taking a risk by eating from it. i even had to sign a waiver to that effect. apparently i am not allowed to hold either children or parents responsible for any bodily harm or food poisoning incurred while eating food that has been in reach of said rugrats. in case you are wondering, "in reach" means anywhere from about six feet below the ground to about ten feet higher than i can reach while standing on an extension ladder.
i just recently learned that the proper way to eat crackers is to open the box (from the bottom, not the top) and rip open the top and one side of the enclosed package, then dump the entire contents out on the ground. then you must stuff as many crackers as you can into one hand. one gets a better grip if the hand is either sticky from earlier snacks, or coated in drool. anything that can fit in the hand can also fit into one's mouth, but if a cracker accidentally drops out of the mouth and onto the floor, it must not be put back into the mouth, but rather back into the cracker package. while chewing a mouthful of crackers, entertainment is provided by pretending the remaining crackers on the ground are cars, trucks, lions, bears, or other loud mobile objects. once enough crackers have been ingested, the remaining crackers (or cars, trucks, lions, bears, etc.) can be scooped back into the package. it is permissable, and even recommended, to scoop up dirt, bugs and/or stray hairs with the crackers, as this can later be considered a type of kiddie trail mix.
i just keep thinking back to myself at 16. i wouln't even share a soda with someone else. ewww. just last night, i accepted a bite of licorice that unbeknownst to me had been dragged on the floor and then sucked on by the littlest niece. i didn't bat an eye.
doesn't that merit an award of some sort?
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