THE MOST VALID REASONS TO STAY IN BED AND NOT GO TO WORK
1) the french are testing nukes in the south pacific which is located in the same planet you live in. going out would mean exposing yourself to radioactive particles which screw up your metabolism in ways you can not begin to imagine. sure staying in bed is not much safer, but at least you will be in a comfy place when you grow a third leg or a second head.
2) the polar ice caps are melting. the oceans will rise and swallow up the earth. it could happen while you're driving, or walking at the mall or attending a very important meeting. stay in bed and make plans for your ark.
3) there are great gaping holes in the ozone layer. radioactive sunshine pours into these homongous gaps, bathing you in carcinogens. don't get out of bed. if you really want to be safe, slather yourself with sunblock.
4) if you're not single and you go out, you might meet someone interesting. if you meet someone interesting, you might fall in love. if you fall in love it means trouble. if youre in trouble you will suffer. don't suffer. stay in bed.
5) you could get exanguinated by aliens. fun word huh. exanguination. it means that all the fluid has been drained from your body. there have been many reports of cattle mutilation believed to have been done by extraterrestrials. if they study catte, why shouldn't they study humans?
6) there is a very low probability of running into chino romero, brandon boyd, mark mc grath, sebastian, dave grohl, mike shinoda and the rest of the hotties on your list.
7) in the event that the world ends, you are in familiar, comfortable surroundings.
8) you can practice telekinesis.
9) its impossible to read all the good books and watch the best films, but if you stay in bed you could give it a try.
10) you can always read the paper or surf the net, or blog in bed.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE YOUR BED?
2) the polar ice caps are melting. the oceans will rise and swallow up the earth. it could happen while you're driving, or walking at the mall or attending a very important meeting. stay in bed and make plans for your ark.
3) there are great gaping holes in the ozone layer. radioactive sunshine pours into these homongous gaps, bathing you in carcinogens. don't get out of bed. if you really want to be safe, slather yourself with sunblock.
4) if you're not single and you go out, you might meet someone interesting. if you meet someone interesting, you might fall in love. if you fall in love it means trouble. if youre in trouble you will suffer. don't suffer. stay in bed.
5) you could get exanguinated by aliens. fun word huh. exanguination. it means that all the fluid has been drained from your body. there have been many reports of cattle mutilation believed to have been done by extraterrestrials. if they study catte, why shouldn't they study humans?
6) there is a very low probability of running into chino romero, brandon boyd, mark mc grath, sebastian, dave grohl, mike shinoda and the rest of the hotties on your list.
7) in the event that the world ends, you are in familiar, comfortable surroundings.
8) you can practice telekinesis.
9) its impossible to read all the good books and watch the best films, but if you stay in bed you could give it a try.
10) you can always read the paper or surf the net, or blog in bed.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE YOUR BED?
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